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Choosing a Safeword for BDSM Play

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Let’s start by taking the fear out of it…

Just because you’re having to choose a safeword doesn’t mean you’re up to something with someone you don’t know or trust. It’s simply a means of communicating a “time-out” without (hopefully) spoiling the mood.

The most common reason why a safeword is needed is because we can sometimes get lost in the moment while trying something new. Let’s pick an obvious example: you’re trying anal sex for the first time, and once that cock starts to slide in, you can bet its owner will drift into ecstasy… possibly at the expense of the other guy’s bottom. If he says, “Fuck!”, chances are it’ll be misinterpreted as “Yes, please continue to fuck me!”, and the cock will dive deeper.

So why not start with some safewords you should never use:

Fuck. Yes. Please. Love. Hurt. No. Stop. Don’t

Notice the pattern? They’re either words commonly used while enjoying sex, or they’re words associated with BDSM (If you’re role playing with a bound sub, Stop and Hurt will hardly help you.)

Rule of thumb: If there’s any chance at all the word might normally be used during sex, then it’s not a good safeword.

Instead: Choose something without any sexual connotation.

It can be anything simple and harmless, more than one syllable if possible (making it slightly more jarring compared to the words above), and preferably not a verb (in the event that it might be construed as a command). Here are some effective ones that have come my way:

Apple. Church bell. Ice cream. Dinosaur. Tablecloth

Or, my fave I’ve never heard used: Voldemort  (how can you not love a guy who blurts out “He Who Must Not Be Named?” It certainly stopped the action immediately.)

Be sure you and your hookup take the time to practice it beforehand. It’s better to be silly and injury-free than bleed because you’re worried about spoiling the mood.

And if all else fails, shouting “911!” is always an effective buzz-kill.

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