I liked to think nothing could surprise me. Well, that ended recently.
I’ve just discovered the latest fetish that has Xenomorph aficionados opening their holes at warp speed: alien impregnation.
Yes, you read that correctly, and no I didn’t make it up.
There’s a new contraption on the sex market that helps you realize your life-long fantasy of having an alien plant its eggs inside you so you can subsequently lay them. The “appendage” is an ovipositor: the tentacle-like proboscis found on insects — and aliens — that acts as a delivery tube through which to transmit eggs.
You still with me…? Here’s how it works:
1. Make the eggs. You’ll be using an egg mold for this. The alien eggs are made from gelatin. Simple and safe enough to do (you can easily find the recipe online), but don’t get cocky by substituting the gelatin for Jello: Jello might taste better, but it’s not the safest thing to be planting in your hole (an odd disclaimer in a post about sticking alien eggs up your butt, I know.) You can, however, choose your favorite alien-egg color.
2. Load the eggs. Here’s where things get interesting. The ovipositor is basically a gooey tube-prop that will deliver the lubed-up eggs to your sweet spot. Fill’er up and you’re ready to go. Here’s a demo:
3. Lay the eggs. Chances are if you made it to this step you’re in for the long haul. Insert the ovipositor and massage the eggs out slowly. The number of eggs you can accommodate is up to you and whatever space you have to spare. I suggest you try one, see how it goes. The last thing you want is to have to explain yourself in the emergency room. Keep in mind that the gelatin will dissolve, so if your alien eggs gets jammed, they will eventually sort themselves out…
4. Eat the eggs? The idea is not to eat the eggs, but a fetish friend of mind is considering throwing an alien sex party and having the eggs available for party treats. Doesn’t sound very pretty to me, but then again, no one said delivering aliens from your butt was pretty business.
Notice how earlier I used the term “prop”. The ovipositor isn’t really a sex “toy”. It’s something from the set of a science-fiction movie, and apart from its duty to transmit eggs, it doesn’t have much to offer. It’s not a vibrator, and it’s hardly a dildo.
But at this point, it’s the most realistic close encounter on the market.
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