You love gay BDSM and kinky hookups, but how far should you go the first time with someone new?
If you met on a gay BDSM site, then Bob’s your uncle. Otherwise, you may wanna keep your kink in check during your first hookup.
If both parties are into BDSM, chances are there’ll be an unspoken testing-of-the-waters throughout the night. Each of you will be wondering about the other’s threshold and limits. Depending on the response to each action, the kink will either escalate or not.
Tips for Gay BDSM on the First Date
Here’s where your powers of persuasion will come in handy. Let each action suggest something kinkier just around the corner. It’s only once you gauge your gay BDSM partner’s response that you’ll know whether or not to escalate.
- Feel free to use bondage, but hold off from complete immobility. You can always tighten as you go.
- There are endless degrees in the pain scale. Avoid going to 11 until you’ve successfully passed at least 6.
- Keep your deepest desires further down the Background-Porn playlist. Those tunes will play eventually.
- Careful with what you pull out of the toy box. You might get away with the jumbo-sized realistic cock, but the life-sized fisting arm and the inflatable doll might be a bit overwhelming.
- If you’re really into blood sports or other extreme BDSM, bring it up way beforehand. Any extreme gay BDSM activity should never come as a surprise. 911 calls during sex are such a buzzkill.
- Same goes for water sports. No one likes to be caught unawares during an unforeseen pee storm.
Something I like to do is have all of the gay BDSM toys and gadgets lined up and on display for my date’s arrival. Before the cocks come out, my hookup can have a good look at the menu before he orders.
Ideally, both parties will be comfortable, confident, and experienced enough to know how to broach any and all of these issues before hooking up. But kink and BDSM can be tricky for new hookups. Guys might feel self-conscious about suggesting their desires for fear that they might be considered weird.
But remember: nothing is weird if both of you are into it.
Choose a Safeword for Gay BDSM Play
Just because you’re having to choose a BDSM safeword doesn’t mean you’re up to something with someone you don’t know or trust. A safeword is simply a means of communicating a “time-out” without (hopefully) spoiling the mood.
The most common reason why a safeword is needed during gay BDSM sex is that we can sometimes get lost in the moment while trying something new.
Let’s pick an obvious example:
You’re trying anal sex with someone new for the first time, and once that cock starts to slide in, you can bet its owner will drift into ecstasy… possibly at the expense of your bottom. If you say, “Fuck!”, chances are it’ll be misinterpreted as “Yes, please continue to fuck me!”, and the cock will dive deeper.
Bad Safe Words for Gay BDSM
Here are some safe words for gay BDSM you should never use:
Fuck. Yes. Please. Love. Hurt. No. Stop. Don’t
Notice the pattern? They’re either words commonly used while enjoying sex, or they’re words associated with BDSM (If you’re role-playing with a bound sub, Stop and Hurt will hardly help you.)
Here’s a rule of thumb for safewords: If there’s any chance at all the word might normally be used during sex, then it’s not a good safeword.
Good BDSM Safe Words for Gay BDSM
Instead: Choose something without any sexual connotation.
It can be anything simple and harmless, more than one syllable if possible (making it slightly more jarring compared to the words above), and preferably not a verb (in the event that it might be construed as a command).
Here are some effective safewords that have come my way:
Apple. Church bell. Ice cream. Dinosaur. Tablecloth
Or, my fave I’ve never heard used: Voldemort (how can you not love a guy who blurts out “He Who Must Not Be Named?” It certainly stopped the action immediately.)
Be sure you and your first-time hookup take the time to practice the safeword beforehand. It’s better to be silly and injury-free than bleed because you’re worried about spoiling the mood.
And if all else fails, shouting “911!” is always an effective buzz-kill.
How do you introduce gay BDSM play with someone new?